Why Do I Do It?

Since I first began training for triathlon, I've often been asked:  "Why do you do it?".  Without a doubt, it's the question that I get asked the most often.  The look on people's faces is priceless when you explain to them the distances that you swim, bike or run in a race, much less the the hours that you spend training.  It's a look of astonishment mixed with a bit of disgust.  I think it truly puzzles some people why anyone would want to put themselves through that kind of punishment.  For a long time, I struggled to find an answer to that question that made sense to myself and to those I tried to explain it to. 

I've sometimes explained it as having something to do with my childhood; a sort of making up for lost time scenario. While that is at least partially true and probably what drove me to the sport in the first place, it is definitely not what keeps me involved in the sport.  Sometimes I've talked about what basically amounts to selfish indulgences. For example, the cool gear and gadgets that you can buy (bikes, wheels, racing watches/computers, shoes, etc.). Those things are really fun to start collecting and playing with, especially when you're first starting out.  At other times, I've tried to explain the feeling of euphoria that you get when you cross the finish line. Anyone who's completed any type of endurance event can attest to that feeling. It's powerful enough that it can almost instantly make you forget about the pain of the race you just finished. Before your heart rate has even dropped to normal, it can have you already talking about signing up for another one.

True enough, all of those things are factors that bring enjoyment to what I do, but I don't think it's any of those things that truly make me want to be a triathlete.

Lots of people talk about triathletes being driven, ultra competitive, Type A personalities, egocentrics, workaholics, etc. There is a lot of truth to that. If you look closely at the occupations of most age group triathletes you'll see a disproportionate amount of them are professionals, business owners and entrepreneurs. Some have sports backgrounds; many do not. And, believe me, there are many of them that show up with their "game face" on; looking to destroy their competition. But, I have a theory that those types of people are not the ones still racing when they're 60. They'll either give up out of discouragement when their bodies can't keep up with they used to be able to do, or they'll get injured and be forced to hang it up. I have to admit, it's easy to get sucked into that mentality. I do, after all, fit the "profile" of a typical triathlete by nature. When I first began racing and training, I wanted to get faster because I had visions of showing up at races and winning my age group (a vision that hasn't become a reality very often, so far...;-).

However, my attitude toward triathlon has already begun to change. To me, it's not so much about who I can beat. Sure, I still want to go as fast as I possibly can and I love getting an award or recognition for a strong finish just like anyone else.   I also know that consistently finishing at the "back of the pack" would be terribly discouraging and no fun at all.  But, I've come to realize, that it's really just me that I'm trying to beat.   Literally, that means I want to beat my old times and see improvement; I want to find out what my body is truly capable of.  Figuratively, it means something completely different... It's the internal voice that I hear at 5:30 a.m. that says waking up early to swim, bike or run is stupid, or the one during a race telling me that I'm not good enough/fast enough/strong enough to be doing this.  Often, that voice is loudest just before the start of a race, telling me I shouldn't even be attempting this, that I don't belong there.   That voice is my doubts, insecurities and fears trying to surface and take control.  It is me, my deepest inner personality traits and character flaws, and that's who I'm really trying to beat!  Every time I do, I learn a new lesson about my limitations and my capabilities.  Every time I do, it reinforces is that I have, within my power, the ability to control most of my successes or failures in life despite what that pesky internal voice says.

The realization that my limitations are largely of my own making has been a life transforming reality.  You see, I'm a Gen-Xer.  I missed the Millennial or "Me" generation, the current generation of 20 something's brimming with self-confidence (too much, in many cases) and raised with the belief that they can do anything.  I don't have the highest self-esteem.  In the past, I've been guilty of pessimism toward myself and others.  I've sometimes allowed my fears to make my decisions for me.  Thankfully, triathlon has taught me that I can do much better than that.  It has taught me that, in all aspects of our lives, we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.  We've all heard the cliche that we can do anything we put our minds to.  We say it all the time.  We even teach it to our kids.  Personally, I'd feel like a hypocrite if I told that to my kids but I couldn't prove it to them by my actions.

The lessons learned from pushing yourself to do something that most people, perhaps even yourself, consider impossible transcend the sport of triathlon itself.   That's why I do it, and that's what motivates me to keep training and racing!